You Had the Conversation And Chose Not To

Every week someone goes online and says something like:

“I just don’t understand how people still believe this racist nonsense. Like my uncle said [racist lie] at dinner last night and I was shocked.”

And they tell the story like they were a journalist documenting a foreign culture. As if they were watching Fox News through a zoo enclosure.

But here’s the thing:

You weren’t watching Fox News.
You were watching your family.
People who:

• know you
• like you
• trust you
• would might have listened to you

And you said nothing.

You didn’t ask:

• “Where did you hear that?”
• “Can you show me?”
• “Do you think that’s true?”
• “What makes that feel real to you?”

Nothing.

You came online instead.

Not to learn.
To be comforted. ^{comfortPosting “I cannot believe people think this” is just asking to be told you’re not like those people.}

The Peace You Protected Was Racism’s Peace

You protected:

• the emotional comfort of the racist
• your own social ease
• the myth that conflict = harm

You did not protect:

• the person being dehumanized
• the relationship you claim to care about
• your supposed values

This is what liberal moral identity is made of: performance without consequence.

Peacekeeping Is Not Neutral

Non-confrontation isn’t gentleness.

It’s:

• cowardice with a soft voice,
• complicity with a reusable tote bag,
• violence deferred, not avoided.

Someone is always paying for the peace you preserved. It just wasn’t you.

And that’s why you chose it.

The Conversation You Refused Was the Point

You ask:

“Why do people believe this stuff?”

And the universe said:

Here, go ask one.

A perfect ethnographic sample.
Zero recruitment needed.
No door knocking.
No canvassing.
No debating strangers.

Your own aunt, eating potato salad,
saying the lie you claim to want to understand.

The study group was in your dining room.

But instead of taking the opportunity, you opened your phone and wrote a monologue asking strangers to explain your family to you.

Let’s Be Extremely Clear:

If you are too scared to ask your uncle where he learned a racist myth,
you are not scared of conflict.

You are scared of:

• being unpleasant,
• being uncool,
• being the one who breaks the vibe.

Your commitment is not to justice.
Your commitment is to being well-liked.

And white supremacy is totally fine with that arrangement.

The Ask (Which Is Not Hard)

Next time someone says something racist and you claim you “don’t understand why” people believe these things:

Ask one (1) question:

“Where did you hear that?”

Not:

• a takedown,
• a lecture,
• a drag,
• a moral performance.

Just: “Where did you hear that?”

Because either:

• the answer will reveal the propaganda pipeline in real time or
• the answer will reveal the emotional wound disguised as belief.

Either way: That is the conversation you said you wanted.

Final Note

If you only do anti-racism where there is applause and zero interpersonal cost,
you’re not doing anti-racism.

You’re doing brand management.