You Can’t Be Known and Untouchable at the Same Time

We say we want to be known.
We want to be seen.
We want to be understood.

But we also want to be untouchable:

• flawless,
• uncriticizable,
• unimpeachable,
• smooth to the point of being frictionless.

We want to be held
without letting anyone grip us.

And that is not intimacy. ^{visibility-vs-intimacyPeople seeing you is not the same as people being able to reach you.}

The Armor That Looks Like Confidence

A lot of what we call “self-assurance” is actually:

• emotional non-disclosure,
• strategic withholding,
• image management disguised as stability.

The less you reveal,
the less anyone can hurt you.

But the less you reveal,
the less anyone can love you.

You cannot be known if no one can touch the part of you that could break.

To Be Known Is To Allow Impact

Being known is not:

“Here is the polished story of who I am.”

Being known is:

“Here is where I am soft.
Here is where I have failed.
Here is what I’m still ashamed of.
Here is where I am trying.”

It means letting someone see:

• the unedited grief,
• the pettiness,
• the fear,
• the desire.

It means letting someone’s opinion matter.

If no one can disappoint you,
no one is close to you.

Control Is Not Care

Perfection is not lovable.
Perfection is untouchable.

People don’t bond over flawlessness.
They bond over:

• the stutter in your voice,
• the story you didn’t mean to tell,
• the way you say “I don’t know what to do,”
• the moment the mask slips and you let it stay off.

If you are always composed,
your relationships will always be distant.

You Don’t Have To Rip Yourself Open

You just have to stop polishing the edges so aggressively.

Say:

• “I’m scared.”
• “I don’t know.”
• “That hurt.”
• “Can you sit with me?”

Let yourself be boring and messy and in progress.

Real connection doesn’t happen in performance.
It happens in maintenance, repair, and returning.

The Door Only Opens From the Inside

No one can force intimacy with you.
No one can pry you open.

You have to choose to be reachable.

If you want to be known,
you have to let someone touch the part of you that could bruise.

Otherwise, you will be admired,
respected,
envied,
even adored—

but never loved.

Because love is not for statues.

Love is for people who can be held.